Nikki's Rambles and Rants

yousetyourlimits: Dont be that person.

Mon, 03 Jun 2013 16:56:49 -0400

yousetyourlimits:

Dont be that person.

Just suck it up and make the new version work for your clients.

Fri, 24 May 2013 00:20:08 -0400

Just suck it up and make the new version work for your clients.

Stephen Colbert’s message to Boston after the terrorist...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 07:59:54 -0400

Stephen Colbert’s message to Boston after the terrorist attack at the marathon.

I have too many feelings about what happened. This is my home. <3

themyskira: Hannah Gadsby on rape culture (x)

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 23:44:42 -0400

themyskira:

Hannah Gadsby on rape culture (x)

I need this right now. benandjerrys: Swirls of peppermint...

Fri, 22 Mar 2013 17:52:09 -0400

I need this right now.

benandjerrys:

Swirls of peppermint & fudge join mint chocolate cookie balls in our latest creation, Chocolate Peppermint Crunch. Coming soon to a spoon near you!

Trigger warning: Rape, rape culture, assault, guns. This makes...

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 20:07:34 -0400

Trigger warning: Rape, rape culture, assault, guns.

This makes me so fucking angry. Fuck you to whoever made this. Fuck you. No one should be put in this situation ever! Man or woman. And how fucking dare you say that a gun would prevent rape. That’s like saying a woman who was raped could have easily stopped it if she was armed. WRONG. Rapists are manipulative, they are masters of disguise and will do anything to attack the person that they have scouted out. VICTIMS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM HERE. RAPISTS ARE THE PROBLEM. So fuck you. Fuck anyone who says that a woman arming herself will stop rape because it won’t. Chances are the gun will be used against the victim, or the victim will be brought up on criminal charges. The only way to stop rape is to teach people to stop raping. That is it. There is no weapon that is going to protect a 5 year old from her abusive uncle, there is nothing to stop these sociopaths. Rapists are the probelm. Start there.

projectunbreakable: Check out our new Project Unbreakable...

Fri, 01 Mar 2013 20:53:51 -0500

projectunbreakable:

Check out our new Project Unbreakable stickers! Great for computers and notebooks!

Stickers are 1x3” and sell for $1.50

Click on the photo above to buy one.

Photo

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 14:48:52 -0500

WHEN I FACILITATED A GROUP FOR THE FIRST TIME

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 14:39:29 -0500

wheninsocialwork:

Secret from PostSecret.com powerful.

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 16:46:51 -0500

Secret from PostSecret.com

powerful.

fattywbu: look someone wrote a book about my life

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 20:12:07 -0500

fattywbu:

look someone wrote a book about my life

justinpdrew: Here’s a classic from the vaults. I talk about my...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 08:43:06 -0500

justinpdrew:

Here’s a classic from the vaults. I talk about my uncircumcised penis and people don’t barf!

My friend Justin is funny. But don’t tell him that because his ego is big enough as it is.

mariannapaige: Anne Lamott Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 11:07:22 -0500

mariannapaige:

Anne Lamott

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

These images popped up on my twitter today and gave me serious...

Sun, 20 Jan 2013 14:49:54 -0500

These images popped up on my twitter today and gave me serious pause. I have done some precursory research and my personal opinion is that they have been photoshopped. The implication of these supposed “ads” is that people that are anti-gun are therefore pro-rape because a woman without a gun is more susceptible to rape. (The dominant rhetoric on this only discusses women as potential victims and men as perpetrators and thus I will operate within this gendered language even though I disagree with it.)

If you are against gun ownership, are you for women being raped? I think many peoples’ knee jerk reaction would be “of course not”! But let’s consider it for a moment. It’s easy to just write off this argument as ridiculous and go on our merry way, but I believe that the best way to confront an issue to examine the opposing side’s opinion. What would cause a pro-gun advocate to come to this conclusion?

It seems to me that many pro-gun people believe that gun ownership and subsequent use is the best way for women to protect themselves against rape. It is true that there are (purportedly non-partisan) academic studies that conclude that brandishing and threat of use of a firearm is effective in certain situations to prevent a rape from being completed. This of course assumes absolute ideal conditions in which the potential victim has free access to her weapon and is able to produce it before the physical attack begins, is adequately trained in its use, has the psychological response of fight (instead of freeze, flight or submission) to this extreme stress, and the attacker is not able to disarm the woman before she can fire (or threaten to fire).

I think it’s easy to skip over the “certain situations” part of this. Most rapes occur in private settings and the victim and perpetrator know each other. Are you likely to have your gun on your person when you are in your own home? Would you be able to make the split second decision to shoot someone you are familiar with?

This raises the question of how should women be empowered to protect themselves against rape if not with a firearm. It’s a good question. Woman are familiar with the recommendations of police enforcement and worried mothers of not walking alone at night, always having their cell phone ready to call the police, being aware of their surroundings, not being distracted by iPods, holding their keys between their fingers to be ready to strike etc. This not only presumes stranger rape in public, but also puts the burden on the individual woman to prevent rape. (What society in general should do to prevent rape and what men should do to prevent rape is for another post. Suffice it to say that the answer to the if not a gun, then what question could also be answered in these terms.)

What can a woman do to protect herself against rape? Many sexual assault prevention and treatment organizations work hard to get the message out there that most attacks occur between people that know each other, but fall short of explaining what we should do with that information. It seems ludicrous to expect women to constantly keep the threat of rape in their minds with every man that comes into their life. It seems insane to believe that a woman should never be alone in a room with a man that she does not intend to have sex with.

There are less lethal forms of physical resistance, women can take self-defense classes and/or carry pepper spray (I would say many of the limitations of firearms also apply to pepper spray or mace). However, this presumes that the woman is capable of physically matching the strength of her attacker and is able to gain the upper hand once she is able to recognize she is in a threatening situation.

I raise this issue because I have gone over when I was raped last year over and over in my mind. What could I have done to prevent the situation? Many have provided such ever helpful after the fact suggestions of “don’t be alone with a man in your room” and “just enjoy it when it’s happening so it’s not rape”. But really, what could I have done once we were kissing and then he physically overpowered me? If by some miracle I had been able to access a gun (and knew how to use it) would I have fired? Could I have murdered someone that seconds before I had been quite content with? What difference would the presence of a gun have made? I can’t say for certain, only that I am forever grateful that I escaped the situation with my life. Do I have regrets about how my attacker will never be punished? Of course. Do I still struggle with after affects of the attack both physical and psychological? Unfortunately yes.

The point is that rape is awful no matter what the circumstances and I most certainly would not wish this on anyone. Also, in the interest of full disclosure I do not consider myself anti-gun. However, to suggest that those against firearms are thus for women getting raped is ridiculous. There are so many other factors to consider and the concept of self-defense and rape prevention are more complicated than these (again I believe doctored) images portray. It is not a have guns and kill attackers vs. have no guns and be brutalized either/or situation.

Mantra for today.

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 14:18:38 -0500

Mantra for today.

Sometimes you need to just tell the truth and move on. Sometimes you do exactly what you’ve been...

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 21:49:31 -0500

Sometimes you need to just tell the truth and move on. Sometimes you do exactly what you’ve been told not to and the burn from when it blows up in your face is exactly what you needed.

Sometimes you aren’t who you are for just a moment and that changes everything.

I’m touched but still alive.

Someone offered to road trip with me down to Jersey to visit my father’s grave. I’ve never been before. I don’t know what I’m expecting to gain from the experience but I’m sick of pushing this down to the bottom of my priority list. Seven years I’ve been telling myself “oh I’ll just go the next time I have a break”. But the truth is that I couldn’t drive there by myself and not have another beating heart nearby afterwards.

Slice.

The heat rises from the middle of my back, up my spine, to the base of my neck. Prickly sensation...

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 23:27:56 -0500

The heat rises from the middle of my back, up my spine, to the base of my neck. Prickly sensation makes me retract into myself. I cannot get small enough to block it out. My jaw tightens. My chest is being punched. I’m being threatened.

But when I look around there is no danger. The trigger is so damn mundane. It’s silly really, I’ll later explain.

I want to stay in this moment of pure physical discomfort. It is so much more preferable than what happens when language enters the picture. That’s when the true self-hate begins.

So I shake. I heave. Tears. Rage. My body betrays.

But the sneaky voice whispers the first question and cackles as what was once only fragile turns to destroyed.

I regenerate and swallow hard. Back track, pick up those words and pretend they never left my mouth.

Stare at that trigger until I’m numb. I know this will all happen again.

I’m in constant pain and it’s hard to ignore when another sense is being overwhelmed....

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 16:51:26 -0500

I’m in constant pain and it’s hard to ignore when another sense is being overwhelmed. But one can’t exist forever leaping from one extreme to another. So I languish, bury my face in blankets and plan my escape.

I’m not allowed such easy ways out. I’m a good girl. I’m held to standards. I get it. I’ve got to be tough, got to keep moving forward and shut the fuck up.

Even the most dedicated movie viewers will only watch the same film over and over again in a finite number of iterations, and I’m not exactly sporting a fan club.

So when someone does take the time to engage I’m lost in a sea of self-depricating statements and wildly inappropriate overshares in a desperate move to capture their attention. But in the age of all technology in your hand at all times, I cannot compete. I’m physically there but not the most imposing affair.

(I thought we took out the chess board to make moves, not stare at the pieces in silence.)

Left, right, back, front, sideways, upside down… no relief from the throbbing hurt. But I’ve got to get back out on the ice and play.

I’ve been nervously waiting for my picture to be posted...

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 16:09:19 -0500

I’ve been nervously waiting for my picture to be posted for project unbreakable. I wasn’t sure how I would feel when I saw it, when all the world could see it if they wanted to. But then I saw in mere seconds the post had gotten a ton of reblogs and likes and I realized that there is enough positivity and support out there to make this exposure worth it.

(side note, not sure why the verb tense was changed when the blog posters typed out the message in the description… it should be present tense as it was said during and not after… but I digress…)

Y’all should check out the work that project unbreakable is doing. Love them.

projectunbreakable:

The poster reads:

“You’re lucky I didn’t kill you.”

I was 12.

—

Photographed in Boston, MA on October 6th.

—

Click here to learn more about Project Unbreakable. (trigger warning)

Facebook, Twitter, submissions, FAQ, donate to Project Unbreakable, join our mailing list

Nikki does not understand.

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 22:06:48 -0500

Nikki does not understand.