I get frustrated when people assume that I can’t have regular/normal sex (whatever that means) because I am a survivor of sexual violence. The line between pain and pleasure has been blurred for me, I freely admit that, but I am doing what I can to establish myself as a healthy sexual human being.
You’re not supposed to talk about your sex life in public, especially if you are a woman, but sometimes I believe it is necessary and should even be encouraged. Keeping secrets when it comes to sexual experiences and behavior clouds our sexuality in a haze of darkness and shame. These things that are happening, things that I am doing and things other people are doing to me are all real. Pretending it’s not causes the confusion that can lead to dangerous decisions and gross misjudgements of character.
I have not had a ton of consensual sex in my life thus far, but I’d have to say that the majority of the encounters I have had have helped me grow into an adult woman far more aware of her feelings and needs.
I have the same desires any other woman my age does. I will want to have sex. That’s just a part of my personality based on my age, location and lack of religious or otherwise prudish upbringing. I see sex in the media and entertainment world and thus I have naughty thoughts. I can enjoy sex without thinking of the instances in which it has been used against me.
I have the power to say who does and does not get to touch me. I have the power to tell someone to stop whenever I want to no matter what has previously transpired. With these rights at the forefront of my mind I feel strong. I will not give the “men” that have hurt me the satisfaction of ruining sex for me. They do not have the power anymore.
Why in the world would I deny myself physical intimacy? I will not be afraid.